Last Thursday I met with Paul C about my work. we talked about the direction of my overall work and whether or not I was willing to let my old songs go for now, and move on. I agreed that they are holding me back, clunky, baggage at the moment.

We talked again about the durational chalk piece Widows. He suggested that I try again, without any text, so that it becomes more universal in its scope. I am going to show this at crits without words (but with sound?). I also want to work on the book for crits.

Recommended artists:

Lee Bontecou
Tseih Hsich
Linda Montero: "Mitchel's Death" at VideoDataBank VDB.org at SAIC 312-345-3550


We also talked about what I try to do in my work. He asked if I try to eulogize (elegies) or cleanse or what?

I've been thinking about it since. Actually, I've been thinking about my current raison d'etre d'artiste since mid semester last fall. Is it autobiographical (to explain myself)? Is it to enlighten/share/evangelize (to change the world)? Do I make work to get things off my mind (cleanse)? To entertain/beautify/show off (hope not)?

After we finished taxes, most of the work on the bathroom, classes before spring break, I felt this sort of let down - post-partum. I am obsessed with this guitar I've been dreaming about for a couple of years. It seems irrational but I can't get it off my mind. With Paul's suggestion that I let the songs go for now, and Mary's shock that I would want yet another guitar, I woke up Tuesday morning in one of those "what is the meaning of my (artistic) life" moments. After not getting out of bed for a coulple of hours, I progressed to "why do anything at all?"

I suppose that running, and helping Shalaka Wednesday helped me out, but didn't exactly answer the question. Keeping busy isn't the same as understanding intentionality. Still, helping friends, watching them progress, and enjoying the environment are ok motives, and starting work again is not intrinsically bad.